Father’s Day

The Ceremony of the Father

History of Father’s Day in America

Father’s day had a bit of a rough start. It’s inception began in 1910 when Sonora Dodd, a Washington native, started a local celebration for fathers in honor of her own. Her father was a civil war veteran who raised six children alone. His birthday fell on June 5th. His daughter petitioned the local pastors to participate, but June 5th didn’t give them enough time to organize, thus, the celebration was relocated to the third Sunday of June.

Later in her life, Sonora decided to convince the nation to adopt the holiday, and she was smart enough to enlist the interest of groups producing men’s wares: ties, tobacco, clothes, shaving supplies, top hats, and other manly man things purchased in the early 1900s.

Gotta be honest, it wasn't a bad style!
Gotta be honest, it wasn’t a bad style!

The idea was solidly backed by those with commercial interests, but not so much by mainstream society. There would be several failed attempts to make an official Father’s Day. In 1966, Lyndon B. Johnson finally established the third Sunday of June to be a holding place for the celebration. It wasn’t until 1972, however, that Richard Nixon would sign it into law as a nationally recognized event.

As most of us know, Father’s Day isn’t particularly exciting.  Most of us spend time with family, get a gift for dad, maybe take him out to a game, and other types of bonding. As I was researching the internet for Father-related religious and/or spiritual material, I was surprisingly disappointed. There was very little out there! There was even less among Pagan resources! Surprising, because we pride ourselves on recognizing the spiritual importance of duality, especially male and female.

Why Turn Father’s Day into a Tradition?

By “tradition,” I mean a ceremony performed with solemnity each year that is eventually passed to your children. The fact Father’s Day started out as a commercial interest (and, well, still remains one) is irrelevant. A father has tremendous spiritual importance in a family. Regardless of one’s religion or lack thereof, I think we can all agree to that! While we should show our dads a bit of thankful recognition every day, Father’s Day becomes a convenient time to reflect on this vital, personal, and growing relationship. And it’s not just the family who shows their respect this holiday. A father has time to reflect on his obligations to his family and share his thoughts.

So, why not add a little more meaning to this year’s Father’s Day? Have dinner, go to the game, give a present, and do everything you normally do. But at the end of the day, gather up mom, dad, and the kids, and share a private moment.

Father’s Day Ceremony

As a disclaimer, this ritual is for a traditional nuclear family: Mom, Dad, kids. That’s because it’s my family’s current arrangement. This is also for families whose father is still living. While I’ve thought about a ceremony for fathers who have passed, I haven’t gotten there yet.  I want to say I acknowledge many kinds of families, and I support family diversity in all forms.

This is a simple ceremony families of any creed can do together (yes, even atheists). This ritual honors a Father’s role, a time to charge him with the sacred duties of fatherhood and for him to impart his personal blessing on the family, not simply as a dad, but as the half-soul of his children and spouse. The following ritual was written by myself and my husband, so it is deeply personal to us. Your family will no doubt have very different blessings, but if you’re having difficulty, feel free to use ours as a launching pad for inspiration. As far as I know (and I’m probably wrong), this is the only Father’s Day specific ritual on the internet.

If you are agnostic or atheist, this ritual can easily be tailored to a simple humanistic tone. There’s no reason an atheistic family cannot have moments of ritualized meaning together. Ceremony may have the feel of something religious, but that has nothing to do with a specific god or faith, only emotion.

Likewise, if you do belong to a particular faith, it will be easy to adjust this ceremony to your specific God.

Living the Mythology, Performing the Symbols

In Paganism, fatherhood is a divine duty and Father’s Day falls on a auspicious time of year–near the height of summer. In countless myths throughout time, the sun is the male power, the warm energy which seeds and enriches the earth, allowing her to bring forth life. The third Sunday of June approaches the Summer Solstice, called Litha in modern-day Paganism, when the sun is at its apex. It is the longest day of the year. Even today we follow ancient patterns, living their truth in ways that cannot be described, but somehow experienced and, thus, understood. We honor the Father when the Sun reaches his solar climax, coinciding with the kill of the hunt, the union of consort, and the triumph of male divinities across time.

A Father’s ceremony, however, is not complete without the Mother. While this is his day to stand unique, the goal of the ritual is to experience the union of the two: for the children to sense the meaning of creation and the special relationship shared by their parents. This is a symbolic truth anyone may experience, regardless of creed. It is a truth for secularists. It is a truth for the religious. You have only to adjust the words to reflect your own creed, and share meaningful time with your children.

The ceremony begins with the entire family sitting together. The setting, lighting, music, and incense/candles are all personal preference. We did ours sitting on the floor in front of the family alter, but it would be lovely outside as well. To begin, one of the family members draws a circle around the family, creating a sacred space (the choice of who makes the circle depends on the representation preferred by the individual family). The circle can be drawn with a finger, stick, or, in our case, a quartz rod we bought for our son to make prayer circles.

What is the meaning of the circle? Unity of course. Inside, the family is the center of all, unbroken, an entity together. Here we fill the circle with kind meditations and positive energy, just as any other prayer in any other faith. Take a moment to enjoy being together, with these wonderful creations who share half of your own essence and body.

When you’re ready to begin, the mother pours a drink into a chalice. In this case we used grape juice since the kids would be drinking it, but wine would work just as well for older children. The chalice has always been a symbol of the mother, of life, of the womb.

Next, each child is handed a (non-spillable!) spice. Recommended spices are cloves, cinnamon sticks, or star anise seeds. Each is traditionally male centered in mythology, particularly the star anise and cinnamon. These are the father’s symbols carried by the children, representing the seed which created them.

star anise

Our family used the star anise which was perfect. They don’t make a mess and have a lovely scent and texture. 

To perform this ceremony, the father writes a blessing for each member of his family. Likewise, the family writes a “charge” for the father. This involves some personal creativity. Being Pagans, we wrote a Pagan ritual, but as I’ve said before, a personal blessing is just that…personal. It can include anything one wishes.

A “charge” is a kind of ceremonial command, in which one brands another with a sacred duty. I wrote up all the things I thought a husband and father should be and do, and turned it into prose. It’s a little like writing wedding vows, so you’ll want to give it some time and thought. This isn’t something to be rushed.

In regards to the father’s blessing, this is also something deeply personal, that only a father can write. He writes a prosodic blessing for each child and his wife. These writings, along with the charge, compose the core of the ritual.

When the charge and the blessings are complete, the ritual can be truly beautiful. They are shared in the following sequence:

The mother starts the blessing by placing one of the seeds into the chalice. She then reminds her husband of his sacred and traditional duties.

Our charge:

“A Father is the other half of the mother.

We ask you to remember husband and wife are whole when together.

We ask you to remember you embody the God of the Green; Lord of the Hunt. It is man’s lifeblood which spills to allow life, given to the earth in perfect unity.”

The child places a seed in the chalice. The following is read by the mother or the child, if old enough.

“A Father is a warrior.

We ask you to protect what is yours, to keep us safe as your most valuable possessions.

We ask you to lead with strength and passion, to teach us how to steel our wills when life makes demands that seem too great to endure.”

The child or his/her sibling places a seed in the chalice.

“A Father is a sage.

We ask you continue to grow in knowledge and wisdom.

We ask you to be a storyteller, a visionary, and a man of myth and art so we grow into complete contributions to humanity.”

The child or mother places the last seed in the chalice.

“A Father is the best of his children.

We ask that you see yourself when you look at us, to care for us as you care for yourself.

We ask you to keep your honor. Teach integrity. Guide us in moral instruction.

You are Odin;

You are Zeus;

You are Osiris.

You are the honored Lord of our family.”

The Mother’s chalice, representing herself and her fertility, now contains the Father’s seeds. Young children need not understand this symbolism, and it will probably dawn on them as they age. The important part is that they eventually understand, perhaps subconsciously, that they are the products of a sacred union, represented by chalice and seed.

The Mother takes a drink while the Father gives his blessing.

My Wife:

“You have made me more.

Without you, I would not be a father;

You have made me less.

Without you, I would no longer be whole;

You have made me many.

With you, I have made a family;

You have made me one.

With you, I have seen our future;

You have made this possible,

My love.”

The son takes a drink as he receives his Father’s blessing.

“My son:

You are kind.

It is my duty to teach you compassion, to protect that gift.

You are overflowing with life.

It is my duty to give you the tools to harness that power.”

The daughter takes a drink as she receives her Father’s blessing.

“My Daughter:

You are strong.

It is my duty to show you how to protect others.

You are smart.

It is my duty to guide you onward to discovery and truth.”

The Father takes a drink as he concludes the family blessing.

“My Children:

You are our future.

It is my duty to teach you, to give to you, to show you, to guide you.

You are my life.

It is my duty to be what you look for in yourself and in others.

From you to me, to my father, and to his father, and to his father…to the First Father.

We are all connected.

We are all one world.

We are all one family.”

If there are any Father’s Day gifts, they can be given here, or the circle may be broken after a moment of meditation. Breaking the circle releases the good energy into the world, your family’s hopes and dreams for the future.

I hope you can see there is a ton of playroom in designing this ritual for your own family. This was a truly meaningful ceremony in our family, one that didn’t take much time, but left a huge impression. Many blessings in generating your own Father’s Day celebration.

Growing List of Video Resources

Totally ADD

Here is the main Youtube page for a fantastic collection of videos targeting the adult ADD audience. The videos span everything from humor, to parenting ideas, to adult career choices. I particularly enjoy Rick Rants, videos from a sarcastic older man who would probably be fun to drink with. Ironically, this website is an ADD trap, so keep track of time when you click the link!

Totally ADD

An Elementary Mistake

You know, there’s a lot of social engineering we take for granted.

 Media. Organized religion. Politics. Public education.

We have allowed these social machines to make decisions for us, with the pretense of being vital to our happiness and, perhaps, our very survival. Even when we recognize their flaws, they continue to grow thanks to hungry commercial industries that profit from social engineering. While I can wax poetic about each of these topics (and will gladly do so in the future! I know! You’re thrilled!), this article tackles the giant manufactory of public education. My goal: to convince you that Schooling is essentially the Force. Oh yeah, really. Just look what it has done to these children:

Don’t let the Force destroy your child’s destiny…

Indeed. You see the inherent dangers. Like the Force, school has a light side and a dark side, and seems to hold everything together. And, lest we realize too late we’re serving Sith Lords, we may wish to consider the degree we allow schooling to dictate our lives.

Consider… we arrange our lives around a system which takes our children for a large portion of their early lives. That seems potentially dangerous to me, and we know many of our schools fail to meet minimum standards. Despite this, our society treats the school system as a moral paragon, which only ignorant, stubborn, ingrates reject. But… are homeschoolers the problem, or has traditional schooling robbed us of our children’s most precious years? Even worse, maybe the system actually does what its supposed to do?

Meaning… has the system been a huge success… at generating standard citizens?

Everyone is under the impression our children can live up to their greatest potential in America. Well, my ADHD husband, the son of a physician who could afford to send her son to private school his entire life, has a few things to say about that (a topic for another time). He had a faux impression of being given every opportunity. Everyone believed it, including his parents and his teachers. Oh, Robert, you have so much potential, but you’re just not motivated. And that’s what he heard his entire childhood until college. Then the mantra changed: oh Robert, you just can’t get yourself together. He was in his 30s before he started to think, maybe, the problem was trying to force himself through an improperly shaped cookie-cutter for too long. School may work for the 100% average student, but who determined what an average student should be? I’ll tell you presently. But I warn you, you’re not going to like it.

The “American Dream” is saturated by scholastic pedagogy. Education is the most extolled virtue in our country, immediately behind another dangerous, naive naive belief that with enough hard work you can get it/do it/be it. But here’s the problem: A majority of Americans have lost faith in achieving the Dream, which, to me, means its foundation was never sound to begin with.


We must routinely question the foundations, especially when they’re tied to American identity and self-worth. So why don’t we? Well… read on.

Now, I’m not an education, history, or psychology expert. I’m just a mom with a slightly unconventional family… different enough to realize the system doesn’t work for us, but “normal” enough to see hundreds of other families in the same boat. While I can’t claim to reveal any great epiphanies, my friends, family, and employers can assure you I have one unique trait, one that allows me to crash through institutionalized walls like a crazed Kool-Aid man. That talent? I am fantastic at being a giant pain in the system’s ass. Oh yes, my friends. From day one, I was sprinting down the off-beaten path, my two middle fingers kept in check only by holding a giant megaphone to ensure everyone knew how I felt about it. If the system was a cashmere sweater, I’d be the uncultured jerk picking at its lose threads. Unraveling the status quo is my forte.

ahem, anyway…I admit it wasn’t until recently that I started to question the methods, practices, and history of public schooling. After all, I was in public school since kindergarten, and look how awesome I turned out!

world of warcraft

(I know, right? Just what I said…this is how everyone plays World of Warcraft.)

Now that I have done my research, I can’t look back.  But with our announcement to homeschool, we were reminded not everyone felt it was a good idea. In other words, our change of clothes was not only a social faux pas, but an assumed criticism of other people’s fashion.

“Come now, dahling, surely you can see those cashmere sweaters are getting threadbare! Can’t we interest you in this delightful super suit?”

Removing Kallan mid-kindergarten was met with stone-faced stares, tears, sadness, and downright anger. On average, however, the emotion was simple apprehension and worry about Kallan’s education. When Kallan was enrolled in Kindergarten, I was 100%  pro-public school. I never even questioned it. My thought process was: Son = 5 years old = Kindergarten. I knew about homeschooling, of course, but it was always that weird thing religious fundamentalists did to ensure their kids weren’t infected with ridiculous…. ideas.


(“Peace be with you, clever girl.”)

When Kallan’s mood and school work started to suffer, however, I realized I was left with the options of homeschooling or private school. Then I realized private school wouldn’t solve anything. The reason he was unhappy was because the system wasn’t made for an ADHD child. So, homeschooling was the only real alternative.

We started talking about it, with considerable apprehension. But as my research continued, I realized the apprehension wasn’t from any actual proof homeschooling was harmful. Rather, it was from the unspoken assumption that education was best left to the experts. The basic theory is as follows: Children’s education should be left to trained educators for the same reason haircuts should be left to trained stylists — doing it yourself will likely result in a lopsided hairdo, eventually requiring a buzz cut to fix everything you fucked up.

Well, I cannot deny that I suck at cutting my kid’s hair.


But, uneven bangs have only added to his adorable charm! Likewise, I came to believe this change in education, while unconventional, was completely within our ability to manage at home. Not only was it something we could accomplish, but, I realized, something we could do better than anyone else.

I will share the questions I asked, then you can see what you make of my findings. If you’re debating homeschooling, trying to convince a spouse/family member, or are my mother and terrified of more lopsided haircuts (love you, mom), then the following  may be worth your time.  Don’t be apprehensive — I’m only going to point out how your entire childhood was completely wasted by the system. :D

Question 1: Where did public education come from, anyway?

Remember when I asked who was responsible for determining what an average child should look like? The answer is surprising, and there’s no way to discuss it without sounding like some kind of basement troll conspiracy theorist. In a nutshell, when we talk about public education, we are referring to compulsory schooling. Meaning, mandatory attendance of school, six hours a day, five days a week, nine months a year, for twelve years. Do we actually need that much schooling to transmit fundamental academics?  Really? Have you ever asked? And if you did, were you ever given satisfactory proof of its necessity? There is no evidence, at all, anywhere, to prove children need formal education for that long. Benjamin Franklin, who lived before compulsory schooling laws went into effect, started his own Independent Newspaper when he was 15 years old. Can you imagine if he had been forced to remain in public school until 18? What could today’s children accomplish if their entire day, week, and year were not determined by what is, when you think about it, a rather uncompromising and entrapping schedule.

Before compulsory schooling, children learned from family and their community. They often found apprenticeships around 13 (what today is considered a helpless child), and learned a trade by doing. Children were not removed from the community, but were an active, creative, and necessary part of it. These days, if you see kids at the store during a Monday afternoon, they are out of place. That doesn’t seem right. What has the American culture done to itself?

Compulsory schooling became a thang in the early 1900s, about the time  a tremendous number of epic douchebags were diving into their vaults of gold. You may recall their names: George Peabody, Andrew Carnegie, and John D. Rockefeller are a few.

These were the Scrooge McDucks of their age, and they realized mandatory education was the most effective way of creating a harmless electorate, servile labor force, and horde of mindless consumers. I wish I was being dramatic.

Before these social barons got involved, school was not something one went to, nor was it a legal obligation. Washington, Franklin, Jefferson, Lincoln…these dudes were not the products of a school system. They were self-educated men, and they excelled because they pursued their passions. Lincoln, for example, had less than a year of formal schooling, and the majority of his childhood was spent as a farmer and carpenter (this is why he was good with the ax). Still think we need 12 years of structured schooling? Here’s a fun aside.

Everyone knows Lincoln is one of the most famous lawyers in history, but he didn’t study law, he read law, and he passed the bar at 27 years old. Being a country man, he was out of his league when asked to defend a high-profile, city client. The city lawyers sharing the case thought Lincoln was dumber than snake mittens, so they basically stood him up when the case was moved to another city. Realizing the game had changed, Lincoln identified what he didn’t know, filled the gaps, then PWNed those jerks at a later date as the president. BOOM!

The basic idea behind mandatory school laws was essentially Social Darwinism — a method of ensuring poor and middle class children were not misfits in the streets, but productive members of society… productive for the social elite, that is. You see, in Lincoln’s time, our society was still (mostly) Libertarian. Everyone was still inventing stuff. Gobs and gobs of fantastic inventions and patents galore. But, the country was making a gradual shift from a productive economy of rural start-ups (when innovation is necessary for survival), to industrialized consumerism. It started with the Civil War, then bled into the World Wars. Compulsory attendance laws would be the legacy of an after-war world.

So, lets jump back to the business barons.

Let’s introduce Rockefeller.


Do yourself a favor and research this man, for his legacy is still affecting our politics. Look at that quote. Good God. What a privileged jerkface. Even now, our congress is fighting over building the Keystone Pipeline, a giant, environmentally destructive project which puts money in the hands of oil men (when we should obviously be investing in green energy). Like all epicly rich dudes, Rockefeller was into oil. He was the co-founder of the Standard Oil Company, which made him the world’s richest man, and the first to be worth more than a billion dollars. At the time of his death, his fortune was 1.5% of the American economy.

Holy shit.

Rockefeller did a lot of good for society and revolutionized philanthropy, but his personal motives were questionable, especially when set beside the wishes of the average, poor/middle class populace. Rockefeller’s projects were guided by two principles: Fundamentalist Baptism and Social Darwinism. I don’t have time to go into Social Darwinism here, but let’s summarize it as “not great.” Social Darwinism became a mechanism abused and distorted by politicians to declare blacks racially inferior, to forcefully sterilize mentally retarded people, and so on, ad nauseam.

Rockefeller formed the General Education Board in 1902. This is the point in American’s history when education fell under the control of the government. And it never left. As parents, we don’t think of our kid’s class room as government property, but it is. Behind the colorful billboards and smell of glue, hides the ever present government process at work. And who is in charge of school boards now? Lobbyists and corporations. Why are they so interested in public education? The answer is that public education is a hugely profitable business, worth about 650 billion dollars a year.

Because we’re used to seeing it, one has to stop to consider the influence commercialism has on our schools. When I was a Junior in High School, a product called Surge came onto the market, though it didn’t last long. It was a highly caffeinated, highly-sugared drink, a forerunner of today’s hugely successful energy drink culture. One can of Surge was 230 calories, 62 grams of carbs, and 51 mg of caffeine. I remember thinking it was “so cool” our school allowed Surge representatives to come to our assembly and toss free drinks to kids, during school hours. Now as an adult, and particularly as a physician, I am horrified my school allowed us to consume that kind of trash and I wonder what the administration got in exchange for hooking some of us on a drink that was a major contributor to childhood and adolescent obesity.

When I was in middle school, we attended a school-wide assembly to listen to a representative for “Bring it to the Max.” The speaker was skilled at motivational techniques, and he got us excited about selling magazines in exchange for small rewards. I remember being told if I sold ten magazines, I’d get some stupid key chain. The rewards escalated. If I could get a hundred subscriptions, I got something uber cool, like a set of shelves for my locker. The highest rewards included weekend vacations and bikes. The school earned money based on how much we sold. Man, I left there completely psyched to sell magazines! It consumed my next few weeks, and I was devastated when I couldn’t sell enough for a fun prize. I remember crying on the final day, because I had less than ten sales (all pity purchases). Looking back, I’m furious my school used me in such a way. And no one, including my family, saw the problem with a school using its students as private fundraisers. I can’t blame them. I mean, every public school was doing something similar.

Today, public students are forced to watch commercial-filled Channel One (a privately owned, “student-aimed” channel), to see Pepsi and Coke posters and vending machines in their hallways, to use curriculum materials printed by Shell Corporation and other big oil companies,  and thousands of similar exposures. Teachers, also, are the victims of commercial interests, often forced to adhere to government contracts to purchase school materials, or stick to “school-aka-corporate-approved” lists of subjects to cover. We cannot remain ignorant about the advertising aimed at our children, or the corporate bias influencing our schools.

The institutionalization goes further than academic exposure. It’s seen in the environment. Our schools often look like prisons or nuclear bunkers, with rows upon rows of straight desks, controlled activities, and schedules dictated by bells:

The first floor hallway in PS 149.

When I was in middle school, our principal decided there was too much talking in the hallways. Maybe this was true. We had hundreds of students in one building, and all regurgitated into the halls for four minutes between classes. In our hurried attempts for socialization, we congested the pathways. However, the chosen option was to demarcate small squares where conversation could occur. Squares were duct-taped in the hall, allowing for a max of three children to have conversation. Anyone talking outside was given punitive actions. Nice. Real nice.

All this because corporations were given free licence to use public education for their own benefit.

Just to emphasize the degree of corporate influence in the early 1900s, consider that, for many years, only two men, Rockefeller and his buddy,  Carnegie (of the Carnegie Foundation), spent more money on forced schooling’s early years than the government. They funded teachers, schools, Universities, and curriculum. They influenced the Education Board by awarding grants to those who followed along without complaint. And here was their philosophy, according to Frederick Gates, who was Rockefeller’s business adviser.

“In our dream we have limitless resources, and the people yield themselves with perfect docility to our molding hand.  The present educational conventions fade from our minds; and, unhampered by tradition, we work our own good will upon a grateful and responsive rural folk.  We shall not try to make these people or any of their children into philosophers or men of learning or of science.  We are not to raise up among them authors, orators, poets, or men of letters.  We shall not search for embryo great artists, painters, musicians.  Nor will we cherish even the humbler ambition to raise up from among them lawyers, doctors, preachers, statesmen, of whom we now have ample supply.”

Shocking, isn’t it?

If you want a complete timeline of compulsory education, here is a decent summary: Timeline of Compulsory Education

Public education was founded on the concept that, if you came from working class society, you didn’t go to school to learn (that was for private schools), you went to be taught how to be a good worker. Only then would you be effective fuel in the furnace of the industrial revolution. Furthermore, the corporate moguls used the Prussian educational system to base American school on. Yeah… Prussia really wasn’t the leader in hands-on enlightening experiences. Unless you were talking about a public flogging, in which case you might be quite satisfied.

So, how did Prussia surgically extract the soul from its children? By ensuring kids were separated by age, subject, and performance grading. Sound familiar? So, lets’ talk about those grades…

Question 2: Who Gives a Shit about Grades?

For adults, our time to escape the system is passed. Let’s face it… we learned to perform solely for the purpose of single letters.

That’s right. Grades. Oversimplified symbols representing our worth, intelligence, potential, and ability to please the institution. We lived our childhoods under the shadow of  A, B, C, D, and F. Let me say that again: our entire childhood, meaning a minimum of 12 years (since most public schools require you, by law, to be present in school from the ages of 6 to 18), was aimed toward the goal of earning a grade. This is such a prevalent part of American life we persistently fail to recognize how absolutely ridiculous it is. Unless you’re reading The Scarlet Letter, I defy you to tell me how a letter describes one’s worth. It can’t. Just look at the ways a person’s character is graded by a teacher in this example:

Report cards

After discussing corporate machinations, the idea of getting grades on character traits is spine chilling. Just look at the “worthy” traits… exactly what you hear about in corporate training when you get a new job. What about innovation? Creativity? Leadership?

In addition, there is no evidence out there that grades mean anything. No study has ever found a correlation between intelligence, quality, innovation, or potential, and the degree of one’s “good grades.” We constantly talk about how Einstein failed math and became a genius who changed our world. In other words, the uselessness of grades is part of our culture’s mythology, and yet, we still focus on getting good grades above anything else. It seems nothing is more important than good grades. If you have time, watch this documentary. Consider how brilliant this young man is, then watch him decline into anxious failure as he is forced to produce his work according to format. Then consider the reaction of well meaning parents and teachers, none of them who question that, maybe, the school is the problem:

Parents know there is more to our children than what is on a grade report, but that hasn’t stopped us from allowing our children to be filed under a grading system. I had it easy. I was one of the few who didn’t have to struggle to make good grades. Therefore, I didn’t think about it much. In fact, I was proud I didn’t have to struggle, and I admit it gave me a bit of intellectual superiority. Today, I realize I was one of the completely average children the school system was designed for. I am the factory worker. And now I’m a doctor working for a major corporation. I’m proud of my work, and I work for a company who treats me well, but there’s a part of my soul wishing to throw off the shackles and run to foreign countries to provide mission work. Maybe, some day, I will. Or, maybe I will remain a corporate monkey to ensure my children have the resources to escape the system. Who knows.

Let’s take my husband’s childhood as the opposite example. He has a spontaneous genius that far outweighs my textbook regurgitation. Yet, his entire youth was one giant string of anxieties and disappointments, all over his grades. An ADHD kid trying to make A’s in an institution already designed to cripple his natural learning style? It’s no wonder he started to have self confidence issues in fourth grade, when homework and grades start to count. Soon, school was nothing but a progressive trial in trying to prove he was a smart and worthy human being, all the while constantly disappointing teachers and parents. It’s not fair, and it’s a dumb way to waste a child’s potential. Was getting assignments in on time and making good grades really a measure of his intelligence and capability? Obviously not.

So, think about it. Really think about it. What does a grade mean? Anything of actual value? Prove it. All that time we spent making A’s?


It should have been spent learning something of value. Nature walks. Finishing the book you couldn’t put down. Exercising. Enjoying the evening with friends. Getting sleep. A thousand happy moments were wasted typing papers and filling out worksheets. And frankly, many of us are still recovering from the damage it caused.

Grades are necessary for college entrance, to give colleges a number (your GPA) for which to rank you. That is the only purpose of grades and, frankly, there’s something a little evil about it. How will my son’s life be different if he isn’t worried about making As? I’m not sure, but I’m going to find out.

Question 3: Don’t We Need Trained Educators to Teach Our Kids?

Um. Nope. Sorry. I’m not saying grade school teachers are worthless buttheads that should go get real jobs. On the contrary, I had delightful teachers as a child who had great personal interest in my life. But the truth is, it doesn’t take a degree to teach a child. They are naturally programmed to learn and the more we interfere with turning education into a process, the more harm we are likely to do.  And, in an effort to maintain Core Measures (more about that elsewhere), we are stunting our children’s growth. No Child Left Behind? More like, No Child Gunning Ahead, or No Child with Actual Enthusiasm. Or, even, No Teacher with Freedom. Do they really need to have every aspect of what they learn spelled out?

The answer is yes, if you’re attempting to make an army of employees and consumers.

But if you want your children to flourish? Let them manage their education themselves. Evolution has given us a delightful, complex, and wondrous brain capable of doing just that.  As products of the system, parents believe we are not competent to teach our children, but who could be more qualified? We do not need advanced degrees or training in childhood education to identify a child’s enthusiasm and to foster it. If you find a topic you are unfamiliar with? Learn it with your child!

When you free yourself from school’s schedule, you free up a fantastic amount of time to teach your children. Think  about the amount of time taken up by BS when you went to school: the time spent getting into lines, monitored lunch breaks, pep assemblies, changing classes at the bell, etc. Then think about the amount of time spent on projects that were meaningless! How often did you ask a teacher, “but what is the point?!” Just think how much children prepare for standardized testing (since good scores on standard tests are how schools get funding)?

In other words, how much actual learning takes place in which kids are interested in the subject matter, and the subject matter actually applies to usable skills? Now, imagine your child being free to pursue whatever he or she is into at the moment. Every day is open for them to jump into their passions, get involved in a volunteer project, or find an apprenticeship. That’s learning!

In the end, if you’ve made it this far, I hope I’ve convinced you that public schooling has questionable motives and questionable execution, and I hope I’ve given you some ammunition for those questioning your decision to home school. Keep in mind that what I’ve written about here are only three simple tracks leading into a much deeper rabbit hole.

Children are the best part of us. Don’t be afraid to teach them. Don’t be afraid to stand up to the establishment on their behalf. And, if public school is something you cannot escape, don’t be afraid to question school authority.

And try not to think too much about how much Surge you drank in high school. After all, you only need one kidney.